I know that generally, us women like fluffy, romantic love stories.
We love the idea of fairy-tales and Prince Charming sweeping us off our feet and living happily ever after. Most single Christian women think that marriage will be this way, and when they discover it is not, they are very disappointed and often times feel that God has forsaken them.
I thought I was mature and wise enough to know that when I am married, my husband will not be perfect. In fact, I used to remind myself of that fact all the time. When I was finally married, it was more difficult to put that principle into practice than I thought. It was no longer just a theory, I actually had to live it out. Needless to say, I ran to God quite a few times with my complaints, nagging about my husband.
I was concentrating too much on what the “ideal” husband should be like, instead of paying attention to my very own husband, his needs and his character and loving him accordingly.
According to me, I made quite a good point. But instead of taking pity on me, God chastised me and quickly made me realize that just like me, my husband is only human. And just like me, he makes mistakes and needs love, support and patience. So, it was not that he was being a bad husband to me, I was just trying to control him and trying to get him to do things my way. I was concentrating too much on what the “ideal” husband should be like, instead of paying attention to my very own husband, his needs and his character and loving him accordingly. When I finally began to see this; I was happier, my husband was happier – on the count of he no longer had a nagging wife – and our marriage was more fruitful. It was quite a valuable lesson to learn.
If you desire to be married, I should tell you that it is more real than you think. Sure, we are mature enough to know that real-life marriage is not how it is portrayed in movies and cartoons; but are we mature enough to embrace its realness when we are in it? We know that it is not all sunshine-and-roses, but will we remember that when we are in the midst of a trial? Can we then love, support and be strong for our husband? When we are angry and hurt, will we be able to find the strength to let go of ourselves and our emotions, forgive and continue loving him? When he does the unthinkable – whether intentional or not – will we be able to turn the other cheek, genuinely accept his apology without holding any grudges and move forward?
I have the utmost respect for wives who have been hurt and burnt by their husbands and were still able to forgive and forget. I often question myself regarding this. I often wonder if my love for my husband is strong enough to overcome the humongous storms that life can sometimes throw at us. During those times when we are struggling, will I still be able to hold him? Because that is when he will need me the most.
There is a common denominator that I have picked up from women who have forgiven their husbands of the unimaginable: they fear God. This is good news for me and you. It means that we can, with the help of God. If we fear God first and foremost; if we love Him first and foremost, we will be able to stand by our husbands and love them through anything. It does not guarantee that it will be easy – just possible. A God-fearing wife is the best gift a husband can ever have, so I want to be just that for mine. I want to hold his hand throughout our life together, regardless of what is going on around us.
If you ever wonder, “where to from here” in your marriage, just think about what Jesus would do. Sounds cheesy, but it always works. Ask any God-fearing wife.
A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet.– Proverbs 27 v 15 (MSG)Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the LORD can give an understanding wife.– Proverbs 19 v 14 (NLT)