My husband and I have been married for just over five years now and in this time, especially the first few months, I have learnt much more about my imperfections than any other season of my life.
I have an attitude when I do not get my way, I am moody, I am impatient – I have serious heart issues that I never even knew were there. But, I try to cover it up. Being a new wife, I thought that everything always had to be perfect. I was obsessed with lists and doing everything according to the book – after all, everything had to be “perfect”. At one stage I went so overboard that my husband had to sit me down. What he told me then pierced right through to the core of my soul.
“Baby, what are you doing?” I stared at him, wondering what he meant. He had a sad, yet mildly frustrated expression on his face. “What do you mean? I am busy cleaning the house.” I finally replied. “I can see that, but when will you give yourself a break? You are always running around trying to get things done; you barely have time to sit down and spend time with me,” he said. Something clicked in my head. He was right. I thought back on my behaviour the past few months and was instantly filled with condemnation. I messed up yet again. He could see the distressing look on my face. I sat face down while he held both my small hands in his. He lifted my chin, looked me in the eye and said, “Baby, I know you are not perfect. In fact, I knew that when I married you. There is no need for you to over-compensate and cover up with deeds. I love you with all your imperfections.” That did it. I started crying because I could recognise my Heavenly Father’s voice in my husband.
Our imperfections push us closer to Him, to rely on His perfection instead of attempting to fix everything on our own.
I was so busy trying to be the “perfect” Proverbs 31 wife that I forgot about the more important things. I forgot to spend uninterrupted time with my husband, whether that be watching TV at home or going out for dinner. I was trying to put our marriage and life together in a box, running it according to my “to-do” list, afraid of failure. I realised that I sometimes do the same with the Lord. I try so hard to keep busy so that I have no time to sit down, spend uninterrupted time with Him and allow Him to minister to me about the true condition of my heart. It is always a touch-and-go kind of situation. So, I over-compensate with my “good deeds” to cover it up. Then, He would tell me exactly what my husband told me. “Be at peace, give yourself a break. I know you are not perfect. I knew that when I created you, and I knew it when I entered into this intimate relationship with you. I love you – imperfections and all.”
That conversation with my husband really opened up my eyes. It allowed me to not only enjoy him more, but also my relationship with my Saviour. It made me see that there is beauty in imperfection – and that beauty is Jesus. Our imperfections push us closer to Him, to rely on His perfection instead of attempting to fix everything on our own. It opens up our eyes to His magnificence. His compassion. To His limitless grace and never-ending love. His love that allows us to embrace our faults instead of denying them, because we know we have a Saviour who loves us regardless of and despite our mistakes.
So, my dear sister, I encourage you to rest in the Lord. Give yourself a break every now and again, and refuse to be the most judgemental person in your life. Learn to see the beauty in your imperfections, because it is okay to not be perfect. Find peace in the fact that Jesus does not expect you to be perfect. He love you – imperfections and all.